Worker’s Comp

Don’t do it.  If you get hurt at work, don’t admit to it.  Go home.  Tell them you fell off the roof while painting your house.  But don’t tell them it happened at work.

First, they put you on disability because you are too much of a liability to stay at work.

Then when the claim is filed, all hell breaks loose.  You go through a grueling telephone interview.  DH’s response: “Wow, I didn’t know you could be waterboarded over the phone.”  They want every detail of your life: your entire medical history, your hobbies, do you have a second job, do you take drugs, what do you do outside of work?  They want a list of every neurologist, pyschiatrist, orthopedic and primary care doctor as well as every employer for the past ten years.  They will ask you what happened and how it happened, then put words into your mouth and twist it to look like you are lying.  Oh, and why didn’t you report it sooner?  Because you were hoping to avoid this torment.  By the way, your conversation is being taped.

Next you get a nurse case manager (NCM) who is supposed to be on your side.  He/she is by your side when you see the doctor.  The doctor who says, “it’s just a sprain” and you don’t need work restrictions.  Never mind that you haven’t been able to drive more than a mile and a half in two months so you wouldn’t be able to get to work, and you can’t type for more than 5 minutes at a time (if that some days) and a significant portion of your job involves typing and mousing.

Now they prescribe physical therapy.  Scheduling company calls at 4:50pm.  You don’t call them back that day because you’ve spent all day trying to get your blood pressure below stroke level.  You spend most of the next day in a doctors office tackling the blood pressure issue so you don’t have a stroke before you can get to PT.  But maybe that’s what they want so the case can be closed.  However, since you didn’t call them back immediately, they start in with the nasty letters.  They leave notes in your file saying you have refused to return their calls.

When you do call them back the next morning, they want to send you to the PT office in town that is most incompetent.  You can request a competent PT, but since it is out-of-network it has to be approved.  They say they will call you back immediately but never do.  You wait patiently another day and a half, then call your nurse case manager.  You remember them, right?  The one person on your side supposedly helping you through this maze?  He tells you that you never called the company that schedules your PT.  (Yeah, they’re the ones you called last week who never called you back.)  Finally, after digging around in your file, your request for an out-of-network (and hopefully competent) PT was approved last week.  Why are you calling him?  Why haven’t you scheduled your appointment? What do you mean, you don’t know where you are approved to go? (Translation: What the hell is wrong with you? Aren’t you omniscient?)

Get number for PT place.  Call PT to set up an appointment.  PT hasn’t called you because they don’t have the information they need to start treatment.  Can you call your claims manager and get them to send the information they need?  Fortunately, PT takes pity on you and makes the calls for you once you give them every number you can find.  They tell you to come in at 8:30AM the next day.  Hopefully they will have the paperwork in time and can actually help you.

Injury date(s): May 17th & May 25th, Recorded ~June 20th

Dr. appointment: July 12th, First PT appointment: July 20th

I should have fallen off the fucking roof.  I’d be healed by now.  And have taken a lot less Klonipin.

 

© Manic Monday (manicmonday123). Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

Caffeine

Have you ever noticed how the word caffeine looks a little like the word cafe?

Just a rambling thought there.

OK, I have always wanted to post this information, and since so many of us have problems with caffeine, I thought this would be a great place to share this information. 🙂

Do you love your coffee, expresso, tea, soda, JOLT or chocolate?  Here’s what you are in for:

8 oz         regular coffee      135 mg
8 oz         decaf coffee              5 mg
1 oz         expresso                  50 mg
8 oz         black tea                  50 mg
8 oz         green tea                 30 mg
12 oz      Coke                           35 mg
12 oz      JOLT                       300 mg
1 bar      chocolate                 10 mg

(Data from the Food Network)

In case you are curious, the chemical structure of caffeine can be found on Wikipedia along with similar information.

 

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What to call today’s post?

I don’t know what to call today’s blog.  I haven’t written in a few days.  Too many things and yet nothing is going on.  As usual.  And still I have not done anything.  Where does the time go?

Thursday night we went to the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows part 2 movie premiere.  It was quite a phenomenon.  I was part of it.   Me, in a green velveteen dress, dragon necklace, and robes with a Gryffindor patch, a small part of the phenomenon.  I am glad that we did the two part double feature midnight showing. (Part 1 started at 9pm, part 2 at midnight.)  It is odd – it’s like the end of an era.  The end to a series of books and movies that have defined an entire generation and may define many more.

Naturally, since we did not get home until 4:00 AM and I did not fall asleep until 5:30 AM, Friday was quite a waste.  We tried to take a quick trip on Friday (despite my earlier warnings) but DH’s back and other minor problems made us abort it at the last moment.  Surprisingly, I did not freak out during the rush packing phase.  I don’t know whether to consider that progress or coincidence.  Since we were so tired, I ended up taking a haphazard nap.  Unfortunately, that means that I did not fall asleep until 2:00 AM Friday night.  I know I keep shortchanging myself on sleep, and that is the worst thing I can do for my bipolar, but I don’t seem to be able to help it.  I have an 8:00 AM PT appointment tomorrow, so we will see if I can do better tonight.  Since it is after 11 now… maybe I can fall asleep in the next 45 min.

All the things that did not get done last week, must get done tomorrow.  Things that I procrastinated on out of fear, depression, or (intentional?) forgetfulness. I have three days left before I see the doctor about my arm.  I may be allowed to go back to work at that point.  The question is: can I handle it?

Perhaps that is the biggest question on my mind.  Can I handle going back to work?  The workers comp doctor will not give me any restrictions for my wrist even though it hurts like hell to do anything.  My right elbow is still giving me grief, of course.  So maybe I can procrastinate a little longer.  I spent some time today looking for a new job.  Sadly, there is nothing that matches my skills.  Or is my self esteem so low that I don’t believe I’ll ever find anything to match my skills?

You see the reason why having written?  It’s been pretty dull here and I’ve been waffling about what to do.  My mind still jumps from topic to topic.  Not rushing right now but still scatterbrained.  And I don’t know what to say.  I don’t feel that anything I have to say is important enough to be read.  I wish I could share with you some words of wisdom, or some links to some words of wisdom, or at least an interesting tale, but alas by life is just boring.

 

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High Blood Pressure

It appears that my high blood pressure has resurfaced.  In the past two weeks, I have been to three doctors: the surgeon, the clinic, and the workers comp doctor. Two out of those three visits, my blood pressure was at stroke level.  Seriously.  Yesterday it was 136/111.  This morning, it was 146/96.  I have an appointment to see my primary care doctor tomorrow morning.  In the meantime, I am taking some leftover blood pressure medication, and the pharmacy is faxing a request for a new prescription.

I don’t know if I can handle the neuropathy medication.  It makes me too dizzy.  It may even be contributing to my depression.  I don’t know.  It could be that the Klonipin is contributing to my depression.  Or it could just be my bipolar.  Regardless, I’m falling down.

I seem to be continually beating myself up.  It is one of those things we all seem to do to a various extent.  Even some of the “normals” do it.  But for some reason we bipolars seem to be worse.  Or rather, better at it. It’s like I intentionally put a chain with a weight on it around my neck and allow myself to drown.

The neuropathy has been the worse lately.  So I tried to increase it this morning (as I should be by now) and of course I’m dizzy. It feels like I can’t win.

It is getting more difficult to write this blog because of the depression.  I am using the speech recognition, but I still need a a better microphone.  I am going to order one.  I’ve been planning to do so the entire week.  Yet I have not done it.  Do you see where this is going?  I never seem to be able to accomplish anything.  Depression is taking over me.

 

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15 Minutes of Fury

I know it’s supposed to be 15 minutes of fame, but that isn’t my life.  Also, I’m sure that my fury will last longer than 15 minutes.  However, it apparently takes less than 15 minutes of access to my work email to set me off.

It’s like this… my former boss (now colleague) is a narcissist. We will call him Dr. B.  Dr. B and I have a bit of a history.  We worked really well together for the 1-1.5yrs because I was new and still learning. Once I started to get good at my job, and didn’t run to him every second of the day (consequently, not listening for hours on end to his repetitive stories about how he’s been wronged over the past 20 years), he started to be less supportive of me.  I wrote a report and originally had him as a co-author.  However, the other co-author told me to take both names off the report.  So I did that.  BIG MISTAKE.  Dr. B hasn’t been the same to me since. He refused to even look at the report for over a year.  He told upper management that he intentionally set it aside because his name wasn’t on it.  He never once asked me why (although I did tell him why) his name wasn’t on it, and I offered to add it back if he thought it was appropriate.  The other co-author, who is much higher ranked and respected in the company than Dr. B, called him and apologized profusely for 20 minutes saying that it was his fault that Dr. B’s name was left off because of bad advice he gave me.  Once I had the second co-author’s approval, I put both names on the report. It took Dr. B two more months to review it, and he added two more people to it (because they did some work on the same materials at some point in time that had no impact on this work) and made revisions that don’t even make sense.  Then he has the nerve to ask me why the report hasn’t been published.

Fast forward to the 15 minutes I spent checking my email today. I found out via a circuitous route that in my absence, Dr. B and the new girl have written a report on a project that Dr. B and I started a year and a half ago. We did the ground work and I have the dated notes in my research notebook.  (Unfortunately not witnessed because I didn’t know that sort of thing needed to be done, and at that time I still trusted Dr. B to have scientific integrity.)  I set up the instrument to collect the data for the method – until Dr. B stepped in and changed it because I am so obviously incompetent. Since I was never on the distribution list for this report, I can only conclude that my name is not on it and my input is not wanted.  One could argue that since I am not in the office due to my short term disability (STD) they didn’t want to trouble me or wait for my return.  But Dr. B has no problem sending me emails when he wants something.  You also might say, well, perhaps your name is on it and you just don’t know it, but I rather doubt it.  This is the same man who has taken every opportunity to publicly discredit me in the past year.

Backstabbing, lying, hypocrite.

 

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Mixed Up

I guess I’m rather mixed today… I was a tad bit manic earlier, thinking about a myriad of things to write, but now I am on the edge of tears. I would cry but something seems to be holding me back, like an invisible hand, but I can’t put my finger on it. I’m in pain today – physical and emotional. It’s too quiet here. My husband hurt his back and can’t do much more than sleep. I’m alone, alone, alone. Quiet, quiet, quiet. TOO QUIET!

I need to go now. It hurts too much to type and using the headset is too frustrating. I should throw the damn thing away.

Frustration!

“Do you feel like you’ve forgotten something really important?  Do you feel like there’s a great big thing in your head and you feel like you should remember it but you can’t?” (Doctor Who)

Do you ever feel like there is something bugging you, taunting you, haunting you? Do you ever feel like you are missing something?

I do.  All the time.  Well, OK, maybe not all the time.  ARGH!  The frustration!  And now I am frustrated because I am trying to use speech recognition to write this, but it sucks.   The computer can barely understand me, although it did well during our “training sessions”.  This is what it came up with for the sentence Why can’t this damn machine identify the word like?:  The light can’t this day AM machine identify the word light the?  ARGH!  I feel like I could scream!  I need a new microphone, at the very least. This one sucks.  Maybe just everything sucks.

Why am I trying to use speech recognition?  Because my right elbow hurts and my left wrist hurts – in fact, my entire left arm hurts.  I had a tetanus shot yesterday.  (It doesn’t recognize tetanus either, but it does know neuropathy.  Go figure.) It had been 14 years since my last one.  Since I stepped on a tack yesterday, I thought it would be a good idea to get a new one. (Shot, not tack, that is.)  I hear lockjaw sucks.

I am so tired.  I stayed up late last night – well, this morning.  It was 3:00 AM.  I woke up at nine.  I had wanted to go to the farmers market, but DH (Dear Husband) can barely move with his back.  (He hurt it working in the front yard.) I can’t drive at the moment, so that means I didn’t get to go to the farmer’s market today.  No fresh bread for us for another week.  Damn, I was so looking forward to this.

Anyway, I’ve gotten off topic – again.  I feel like there are things I should be doing but I’m not.  I constantly feel like I want to scream, pull my hair, slam a door, kick something, anything to get the frustration out.  This program is not helping.  I can’t even type sense.  Maybe my fingers aren’t working properly either. I don’t know.  I think it’s going to be a Klonipin day.

PS: Has anyone found an underline key?  I have to bold everything.  Or else, I have to go and look up the HTML code for underline.  ARGH!

Update: I found the underline key.

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