They’re not here for you

I went to the surgeon’s office today for my post-surgery appointment. They told me he had been called in for emergency surgery and could I come back in later? When I left the office, I looked up and saw the medivac chopper getting ready to land. You can imagine my reaction. I started spontaneously shaking and crying even though I was never taken in one of those (I was in an ambulance) but the same thing happens every time I hear sirens. It doesn’t matter if it’s police, fire, or ambulance but the latter is the worst. I just have to tell myself, “they’re not here for you.”

The doctor’s office called back a bit later & asked if I could come in around 2pm. I said I saw the chopper and figured he would be a while. She told me that he had been in surgery since 8am and “they are lining up”. After I hung up the phone, the shaking & crying started again. That’s when I decided I needed to write this post. It seems to have helped as I am no longer shaking & crying, but I am still nauseous and there’s a lump in my throat. But I guess that’s progress.

I just have to remember my mantra: “they’re not here for you.”

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