They’re not here for you

I went to the surgeon’s office today for my post-surgery appointment. They told me he had been called in for emergency surgery and could I come back in later? When I left the office, I looked up and saw the medivac chopper getting ready to land. You can imagine my reaction. I started spontaneously shaking and crying even though I was never taken in one of those (I was in an ambulance) but the same thing happens every time I hear sirens. It doesn’t matter if it’s police, fire, or ambulance but the latter is the worst. I just have to tell myself, “they’re not here for you.”

The doctor’s office called back a bit later & asked if I could come in around 2pm. I said I saw the chopper and figured he would be a while. She told me that he had been in surgery since 8am and “they are lining up”. After I hung up the phone, the shaking & crying started again. That’s when I decided I needed to write this post. It seems to have helped as I am no longer shaking & crying, but I am still nauseous and there’s a lump in my throat. But I guess that’s progress.

I just have to remember my mantra: “they’re not here for you.”

© Manic Monday (manicmonday123). Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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2 thoughts on “They’re not here for you

  1. Aw, hon. I can hardly imagine. For awhile I had terrible PTSD reactions whenever I was hooked up to an IV, but that was the worst it ever got for me (medically).

    Writing is very good therapy though, isn’t it?

  2. It is and I have a good therapist now so hopefully I can work through this. It’s been 20 years since my accident and still it bothers me this much. They want to operate on my arm too – God, how will I survive that???

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