Depression has been creeping back into my life. It was at dysthymia for a while and I thought I could ride it out, but that is apparently not to be. Even my OCD is coming back. I snapped off my husband’s head one night because he wanted to go into The Room. The problem is that The Room contains all of our Christmas wrapping stuff. Argh.
Back to the topic at hand…
Christmas is a time of year that I normally enjoy, albeit sometimes with a little melancholy. We are never surrounded by family. My family is a scattered mess of psychological disorders and most of the individuals are toxic people. The exception is my youngest niece. She is a sweet young woman who is so much like me that we could be mother & daughter. Right down to the bipolar, but with a little schizophrenia thrown in for good measure. Despite that, she is still highly functioning, graduating with an A.S. and a near 4.0 GPA. She is looking at 4-year schools right now. Anyway, the happy part is that my niece is coming to visit and I am really looking forward to her trip. We have lots of exciting things to planned for her trip. (Art museums, the Zoo, etc.)
As to the sad part… DH will be with his family and not with us for Christmas. We had already committed to my niece’s visit when his mom invited us. She is disappointed that I’m not coming too. It’s the last Christmas in the house that DH grew up in because his mom is selling it. This will be the first time in 15 years that DH and I will be separate at Christmas. It hardly feels like we’ve been together that long but yet he’s a stead-fast piece of my life. I would be lost without him. I can’t imagine what Christmas will be like without him. Basically, we will just try to keep ourselves occupied with fun stuff. We’ll probably go to the zoo without him and we will spend Christmas day with a close friend of mine. Usually DH & I spend Christmas with this friend and her husband, but my niece is welcome too, so that should be fun – at least it will be a busy day.
I still have mixed feelings about it all. I understand why he is going (Christmas Conundrum) and that he feels it is a family obligation. I know I’m not being shunned by his family because my mother-in-law is sad I can’t make it. DH’s brother and his girlfriend are disappointed too. But I’m still sad that he will be there and we will be here. Heck, it would have great if we all could be there! (We are giving our nephew the coolest thing for Christmas.) But this is just another wave to ride, I guess. A test of my endurance. There will be other Christmases… the important thing is to enjoy what we have now.
Speaking of which – I’ve got to go to the airport!