I’m slipping into depression again. My frustration with the healing process, with my arm and my mental illness, worry about work & money, having to deal with my house, bills, medical, etc. It’s all just wearing me down. And 10mg is not enough Paxil to lift my spirits. I feel sad all the time. I sleep 10 hours a night and I’m still groggy in the morning. I sit on my ass and play video games all the time. (It’s a joint effort – I make character decisions and DH runs the controller for me.) Exercise is too much effort for me.
Lulu has been kind enough to nominate me for some awards, but I haven’t the energy to write the blogs. The blog that’s done me the most good writing lately is My Neuropathy. I felt like I was doing some good for the world. Most of my blogs are just rants. 😦
I’m tired, I’m frustrated, and I’m bored. I’m afraid to go back to work. I am afraid of even looking for another job – well, not afraid precisely. More like it seems like a lot of effort and complication. It would mean moving -again. I’m tired of moving, tired of changing jobs, just tired. Another job could be good for me but it takes more effort than I have. I may not have a choice soon. I don’t know what to think.
At least I see my pdoc tomorrow. Maybe we should up the Paxil, or go back to the 400mg of Lamictal. I don’t know. I hope she has some ideas.
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