Note:  I started this post yesterday but got too tired to finish it, so I’ll separate the days.


First things first, I met with my pdoc today.  She seemed very concerned about my depression, so she is increasing the Paxil gradually up to 40mg.  I asked if that was a good idea, but she said we would watch closely for switching.  Apparently, the more depressed you are, the more likely you are to switch when when things start getting better.  She commented, “We’ve got to get you out of this depression.”  Which makes me think that maybe I look worse than I thought. I meet with her again next week because she wants to watch me closely for any sign of mania.  If I didn’t have 6 months worth of Geodon sitting in my pantry, I’d throw up my hands and say: let’s try lithium.  Why I would rather take three meds than one is probably beyond any rationalization, but I have my reasons.

On to the title… the husband of a good friend of mine is a general contractor.  We had him come over to our house and give us an estimate on updating our kitchen.  The estimate was a little disappointing, but pretty much right where I expected it to be – just under $5k.  One of the biggest expenses will be the tiles I want, so I went to Lowe’s this afternoon to look around at options.  (I watch too much HGTV and I wanted those little glass ones, which run about $12/ sq. ft. whereas regular tile costs $3-$4/ sq. ft.)  I found some stone tile that I’ve fallen in love with that will probably knock the price of tile in half, more if I don’t add the decorative ones.  Which would bring the total under $4.5k.  It doesn’t sound like you get a lot for that money, when you consider all that I get is new counters, backsplash, sink and faucets.  However, this would completely change the look of the kitchen and really modernize it.  Yes, it would be cheaper for us to do the work ourselves, but we would never do it if left to our own devices.  We are terrible homeowners.


Well, to pick up where I left off… yes, we are terrible homeowners.  I HATE home ownership.  If I could, I would live in a townhouse, except for one thing: privacy.  I like my privacy.  I like being able to sit on my back patio and read and not have the world watching me.  Maybe it’s a little paranoia, but I always feel like I am being watched.  I know I am at work because everyone watches everyone else so that they can draw false conclusions and develop gossip. Maybe our jobs just aren’t interesting enough so everyone feels the need to indulge in gossip.  This is the most gossipy place I’ve ever worked.

Back to home ownership… I found this wonderful tile, so I bought one of the decorative ones to take home and see how it would match up with what we currently have in the house and it goes wonderfully with everything!  I think it will go well with the stainless steel sink and the new counter tops (which will be jade green concrete), it also works with the tile we already have and the white cabinets that will stay white until we can afford to have them painted and glazed.

The decorative tile I want

Retail therapy works really well for me.  I’d been planning on spending $3-5k on the kitchen anyway.  DH and I are not handy with tools and such.  I love my drill and electric screwdriver, but I have a saw I bought 4 years ago that still sits in its box.  (I was going to make bookshelves.  Yeah, right.)  I even have a small saw bench for safety. Never been used. (Obviously.)  We barely hang up pictures.

I slept for 12 hours last night.  This depression is really kicking my ass. I know I’m worried about money, but I think putting a little bit into the house is worthwhile.  This is not the only thing that needs fixing… we might have termites too around the front door.  I wonder how much that is going to cost to fix.  At least a new kitchen will look pretty.

Argh! It’s always something…. 😦

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3 thoughts on “Estimate

  1. I’m so glad to see you’re writing! How are you?

    My doc was a little concerned about switching too when we went to up my dose of Wellbutrin. He wanted me to switch to Prozac and I told him no. I think Wellbutrin is treating an undiagnosed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I used to go through life incredibly tired, after sleeping for 12 hours and guzzling soda. The second Wellbutrin hit me, it was mostly gone!

    Truthfully, I’ve been having what appears to be like more frequent hypomanic episodes. I think they were just more severe and longer in duration because my body was able to sustain them. Or, maybe I just became more aware. And I did go through a rough patch. But, in the end, it all worked out. I think anyway.

    I’m a homeowner. It is awful sometimes. For instance, plumbing issues. Worst. My kitchen needs redone really badly. When a drunk driver hit our house, we had to fix and remodel the whole living room. I remember painting in the middle of night, in the heat of August. It was the only time we could do it. It was just too hot.

    I like the tile though. I have this problem where I seem to have an eye for expensive things. I look at something adoringly, then get sticker shocked! And I’m one of those extremely frugal people who won’t even pull it off of the rack unless it’s marked down. (I can’t tell you the last thing I purchased at full price).

    I have these gorgeous counters that someone gifted to us because it didn’t fit their kitchen. But, my cabinets are old and kind of gross. We want to get rid of the paneling and drop celing, because it’s just an eyesore. There is gorgeous plaster of paris behind it. It only needs patched a little and painted!

    (Whoever remodeled my house back in the 70’s was a freakin’ moron! Destroyed antique floor and crown moulding!)

    • It’s a cruel thing to remodel a historic home into whatever the current “style” is – no longevity and it ruins the basic beauty of the original house. Can you refinish your cabinets? I bet they are a nice wood underneath all the grossness and could be gorgeous but it would take some work. That’s the problem, isn’t it? Remodeling takes time, work and money. It’s difficult to have all three available at the same time. Plus you have a child, which makes it even more difficult to find the time and money to do these things. I wish you luck. That plaster of paris is calling out for you! 😉

      • My house was built in the 1880’s. The only thing that we’ve had to completely replace was the roof, but that was Hurricane Ivan’s fault. Still the original boards.

        The cabinets are not original, unfortunately. They are this awful pained metal. Now, I’ll admit, metal is handy. I stick reminders with magnets on there all the time. But, they are ugly as sin, and the only thing we could possbily do is slap some prettier paint on it. But, I think that some nice wooden cabinets would compliment the gorgeous counter!

        My husband and I are totally DIY’ers. And Pennsylvania winter makes projects difficult. So, we only have between about March and September to do it. But like you said, who has the time, energy, and money to do it?

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