Simmer

I feel as though I am walking on the edge of a knife. My temper is short, but I am containing it, keeping it under a false smile. Simmering, I can feel the rage building in my head, waiting for an outlet. The right trigger at the wrong time. Dsyphoric mania here I come. Clenching my fists, squeezing my eyes shut tight, biting my lip, counting to ten. Keep the lid on the pot, now is not the time. Never is the time, but right now is really not the time.

I’m supposed to go back to work this week. I have to be in control. I can’t get a straight answer from anyone – who is supposed to tell me when I can go back? If I can go back? Why can’t I work up the courage to call a lawyer? I can do a lot of things now. It’s time. I hate to admit it, but it’s time. I hate working; I hate not working. I hate having everything up in the air. The penny has to fall.

To make matters worse, my husband is sick. We don’t know why or how. It started two weeks ago – nausea & other digestive issues along with pain. Pain where your vital organs are. The gallbladder is already gone so what’s left? Not good. Scary. Doc gave Aciphex but it’s not fixing the problem. He’s in pain and he’s constantly exhausted and I don’t know how to help him. He won’t let me take him to the ER. I can’t lose my husband. I won’t survive. I can’t. He is the other half of me. The only one who can put up with my crazy moods, who supports me no matter what, who knows how to make me laugh and how to calm me down. I’m so dependent on him, sometimes I can’t even make simple decisions on my own.

All of this is building. Time is ticking. I am trapped within my own mind. Building, building, building. I can’t do what I need to do because I am constantly on edge. This razor-sharp knife edge. Keep the lid on. Hold on tight. This will not be a fun ride.


© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Psst! Pass it on!

Guess I got caught passing notes in class!  This was a cute little exercise that Ruby tagged me for, so I decided to play along.  It certainly interrupted my depressing thoughts as of late.

The idea is simple: in school you probably passed notes to your friends or that boy/girl that you liked, who were sitting halfway across the room.  Well, if you got caught, chances are the teacher would take the opportunity to teach everyone a lesson by reading the note out loud or maybe even posting it on the board for everyone to read!  The concept of this note is for everyone to see it, so you write out the note, take a picture, and post it to your blog.  Now, if you are going to write a note properly, it should be on notebook paper.  Personally, I considered using graph paper, as an homage to geometry and trigonometry in high school – two classes that I absolutely hated.  (I love math, BTW, it was the teachers I didn’t like.)  However, I stuck to the notebook paper just to play fair.

Here’s how it works. Write out the following on a sheet of notebook paper:

  1. Your name
  2. Your blog’s URL
  3. The classic, very useful sentence:  The quick red fox jumps over the lazy brown dog.
  4. Your favorite quote
  5. Your favorite song (at the moment)
  6. Your favorite band/musician/singer (at the moment)
  7. Write anything that you want
  8. Tag three to five bloggers
  9. Post a picture of your note, and leave the link in the comments section below, because I wanna see it!

I did mine a little bit differently because sometimes I just like to be difficult. 😉  I believe that no note would be complete without a TO/FROM label on it.  So, since Ruby Tuesday nominated me, the note is addressed to her, but by no means did I intend to leave anyone out!  So this note is really for all of you. 🙂

Now I need to tag some folks.  I humbly request notes from Lulu, Disorderly Chickadee, and ManicMuses.  Now, if I didn’t tag you, you can still play along.  Just follow the instructions (or close to) and post the url to your note in the comments below.  Let’s see how many notes we get! 🙂

Most importantly: Have fun!

 


© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.