Not Quite Forgotten Yet

I got a call on Friday from R&D’s HR rep.  They want their stuff back.  (Big surprise, eh?)  So I am to come in tomorrow morning to “exchange” things: company property for personal property.  The only joy I take in this is that our group manager is the one who has to sift through all my boxes and try to identify what is mine.  Ha!  That should take him a while.  I took most of my stuff when I left.  Since I am notorious for leaving piles of paper all over my desk, he ought to be having fun right about now.   Of course, I wonder if this means I will get back my 15 bottles of half-drunk water.  Ha! Ha! Ha!

They still can’t answer my questions about unemployment.  A dozen people in HR and not a one of them has a clue.  “Just go ahead and apply for it,” is what they said.  OK, fine.  I will.  If I get it, yea!  If I don’t, oh well.  This job sucked anyway.  The best part of it was the paycheck.  Damn, I’m going to miss that paycheck.  😦

My existence is slowly being erased by the company and soon all I will be to anyone is a memory.  Except for the few friends I have that I will still keep in touch with.  I wrote down some numbers and email addresses while I still had access.  Sifted through my files to see what was worth keeping, and most of it isn’t.  That will be erased too.  My computer will be recycled and so will my laptop.  Such is the way of things.

I am sad and relieved at the same time.  I’m depressed about having lost another job, and I’m scared about our lack of income.  But I won’t miss working with the nutcases.  I will miss working with the customers.  So many of them depended on me to make sure that their samples were run and analyzed correctly.  I had so much customer interaction – and that’s the stuff I am good at.  Yes, I’m a scientist, but I’m a people-oriented scientist.  That’s rare.  Now how to market that?

Right now, my feelings are so mixed up that I don’t know how to feel.  At least I have a therapy appointment today.  I get to work with the new girl, but I don’t have to pay.  So that much is good.  I felt bad about that until DH explained to me that if she fresh out of school, then she has to take on a certain number of free clients as part of her professional training.  That makes me feel a little better.  I hope she is better than my interm therapist.  I really miss my original one though.  *sigh*

I guess I’ll wrap up for now.  I hope everyone has a great Monday. 😉

PS: I changed my WordPress name from Manic Monday to just Monday.  You may have to approve my comments for a while.  I’ll probably change it again once I come up with something clever. 🙂

© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

8 thoughts on “Not Quite Forgotten Yet

  1. Transitions are always so difficult. It’s OK to feel upset and confused about it – I know you know that, and it’s darn frustrating nonetheless. But it’s a normal reaction.

    Hurray for normal something, right? 😉

    • Yes, it does make me feel a bit better to know that my reactions, thoughts, and feelings do fall under the category of “normal” even if I am anything but normal. It’s still a very stressful situation, something no bipolar needs in their life.

  2. Hmm. It seems like if they’re just going to recycle the laptop and computer, you should get to keep them, ha. But perhaps they get some sort of kickback for that.

    Good luck, and I hope your therapist appointment went well!

    • It went OK. Mostly a meet & greet, which is what I expected. The girl is an intern, which is not surprising. Unfortunately, I do have a $10 copay but that’s not bad. I will update you when I have a chance to get to know her. She seems eager and interested, so that’s a good start. 🙂

  3. Think of it this way: You’ll finally have your closure. You won’t be in limbo anymore. You were still treated abominably, but now you can move away from this time in your life.

    • Closure always comes with a price. In this case, a paycheck. The people I worked with were horrible. I’ll always wonder: if I wasn’t bipolar could I have handled it? Other people seem to be able to handle it. Why couldn’t I? It was the best paycheck I’d ever had, and may ever have. I can’t help but to think I screwed up.

  4. It’s finally over. After how long now? They can take their stuff and shove it. You have better things to do than deal with them anymore.

    The pay was probably amazing, but how much are your sanity and soul worth, you know? I’ve decided in my life that I’d rather be living in a cardboard box and happy than working in a cube and miserable. To hell with it all. No one can control me if I’m not chasing the dollar. They are just as disposable as I am.

    I’m happy it’s finally over. It’s over! You’ll never have to deal with them again!

    How are you after all of this?

    • I don’t know how I am right now. I am still sorting through my feelings. I was going to post yesterday, but I’m still taking it all in. I went and filed for Unemployment yesterday. I should have taken a week off like my doctor suggested. I’m not ready for this new rat race yet. But if I hadn’t gone yesterday, I don’t know if I would have gone. (Time breeds fear with me.)

      DH says only one more post on this subject and then move on. I don’t know if I can do that. Something may trigger me later down the road, and then I will feel as if I have to stuff the feeling down because the subject is “closed”.

      I was looking forward to going back to work, jerks and all. Now I don’t have that option. How will I handle the next job?

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