Anxiety Attack

I’ve been filling out forms (7 pages worth) in order to try to qualify for mortgage reduction based on my unemployment status. It’s been difficult to do. Not only is it difficult to find all the numbers I needed (I’m horribly disorganized) but it’s been emotionally difficult. And of course, I berate myself for not looking into this sooner.

I finished the paperwork yesterday. I thought about emailing it, but I couldn’t figure out (I suppose I could have called again) how to send it with signatures, although I suppose I could have scanned it in. There’s also a website called Homeowner Connect where you can electronically submit through them, but then I had to go through and figure out how much I owe on my student loans, credit cards, etc. and I just couldn’t go through all that after filling out the first set of paperwork. Besides, I was already pre-approved by my mortgage company so I thought I should follow their instructions.

Anyway, I went to Staples to try to fax it. I couldn’t do it. I counted the number of pages total (including documentation of my unemployment status) three times. I filled out their little half cover sheet. I even got as far as putting the number in, but I couldn’t send it. I got filled with anxiety. I walked around the store and tried to calm down. I tried calling my husband so he could talk me down, but he didn’t answer his phone. I finally just left. I couldn’t handle it.

Staples probably thinks I stole a fax thing. I don’t know, I just couldn’t handle it. I came home and told DH that I couldn’t do it. He asked why. I yelled at him: I just couldn’t!  I took another Klonopin (1/2 pill).  I’ve been crying practically since I got home.

I feel like a failure.  I have to ask for help with my mortgage.  I can’t even go and send a simple fax.  I am so disorganized that I can’t even find stuff when I need it.  Everything feels so expensive.  I’m a wreck.

DH has gone now to fax the paperwork.  He’s going to do the simple thing that I couldn’t do.  Why am I such a loser?

© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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4 thoughts on “Anxiety Attack

  1. You certainly aren’t a loser! Paperwork is hard and mentally exhausting. For me, it’s worse than talking on the phone. It asks questions and I can’t ask it questions back. Then I get nervous that I messed it up, frustrated, and I cry. I think it’s completely understandable.

    If you want to talk, I’m available. Sounds like you could use a friend right now.

      • I don’t like calls, paperwork, or anything of that nature. Especially paperwork.

        I had to call the unemployment office the other day because there was an error on my paperwork. You know, those people are a piece of work, I’ll tell you. I got what had to be the nastiest woman in the entire world who just kept barking at me, “Answer the question.” How the hell are you supposed to answer, “So you’re not working anymore?” Yes? Because that can be misinterpreted into “Yes, I am working.” Is it no? Because that can be misinterpreted into, “No, I actually am working.” What the frig is that?!?!

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