I’ve been filling out forms (7 pages worth) in order to try to qualify for mortgage reduction based on my unemployment status. It’s been difficult to do. Not only is it difficult to find all the numbers I needed (I’m horribly disorganized) but it’s been emotionally difficult. And of course, I berate myself for not looking into this sooner.
I finished the paperwork yesterday. I thought about emailing it, but I couldn’t figure out (I suppose I could have called again) how to send it with signatures, although I suppose I could have scanned it in. There’s also a website called Homeowner Connect where you can electronically submit through them, but then I had to go through and figure out how much I owe on my student loans, credit cards, etc. and I just couldn’t go through all that after filling out the first set of paperwork. Besides, I was already pre-approved by my mortgage company so I thought I should follow their instructions.
Anyway, I went to Staples to try to fax it. I couldn’t do it. I counted the number of pages total (including documentation of my unemployment status) three times. I filled out their little half cover sheet. I even got as far as putting the number in, but I couldn’t send it. I got filled with anxiety. I walked around the store and tried to calm down. I tried calling my husband so he could talk me down, but he didn’t answer his phone. I finally just left. I couldn’t handle it.
Staples probably thinks I stole a fax thing. I don’t know, I just couldn’t handle it. I came home and told DH that I couldn’t do it. He asked why. I yelled at him: I just couldn’t! I took another Klonopin (1/2 pill). I’ve been crying practically since I got home.
I feel like a failure. I have to ask for help with my mortgage. I can’t even go and send a simple fax. I am so disorganized that I can’t even find stuff when I need it. Everything feels so expensive. I’m a wreck.
DH has gone now to fax the paperwork. He’s going to do the simple thing that I couldn’t do. Why am I such a loser?
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