I’m not such a bad person

I got to thinking today that I’m not such a bad person.  I donate to charity when I can (Salvation Army today) and I try to be nice to people in general.  I say please and thank you. I wish people a good weekend or a happy holiday.  I’ve got a lot more patience than I give myself credit for and I try to do good.  Sometimes I don’t succeed at that because I am afraid. 

Although I can be negative, cynical and a pessimist, I’m generally not mean.  I try to be a supportive wife, friend, daughter and aunt, although my siblings and I are at odds.  I like to help people; I especially like to help people understand things like math or science.

My self-esteem is low, but I still think I’m not a bad person. (Ask me a different day and I may give you a different answer.) Sometimes I think about what it would be like to have a healthy self-esteem.  I’ve always worried that by working on my self-esteem I would become over-confident and perhaps narcissistic.  Supposedly, that’s not the case, but since we are going to be working on my self-esteem in therapy, I’ll let you know how it goes.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that for today, at least, I don’t think I’m a bad person. 🙂

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7 thoughts on “I’m not such a bad person

  1. Monday! Of course you aren’t a bad person. If you were, then you would just allow those around you to be the catch all for your moods and whims – but you aren’t. You’re going to therapy and engaging in some pretty healthy self-reflection. You are worthy!

  2. I second ManicMuses! During these times for me my therapist would always say, “It’s not about learning that “you’re ok”. Its learning “I”m not ok, you’re no ok, and that’s ok.” Just that reminder that we’re human…and therefore, not perfect!

    Glad you’re working on spending time on your self esteem.

    • It’s difficult for me to internalize that because I am such a perfectionist which is why things never get done – I am never satisfied. I am trying to get better at accepting compliments and not being so hard on myself. It’s difficult but I’m learning. 🙂

  3. Self-esteem is never fixed in one place. It is naturally allowed to fluctuate, low and high. We all react and see things differently depending on our moods, which also change. You can learn techniques to help boost your esteem and how you perceive and interpret things and I hope it works for you. 🙂

    • I have seen those fluctuations in myself. It’s easy to have (inflated) self-esteem when you are manic, and very difficult to have any at all while depressed. I am reasonably stable at the moment, so it’s a good time to work on self-esteem. How this will translate during mood episodes remains to be seen.

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