Turned Down

Well, I said yesterday that the interview didn’t go well, and I already got my rejection email. So worrying about standing all day is a moot point.

This doesn’t surprise me. If anything, I was surprised they called me for an interview at all. I used to be so good at interviews. Now what is happening to me? Does my depression show through?

If I can’t even get a bank teller position, what can I get? Over educated and under qualified – that’s what I am. Lost is where I am. I’m getting desperate. Not desperate enough for McDonalds yet but desperate. I don’t know how I can go on like this. I don’t know how I have gone on like this for so long. I feel like my brain is rotting inside my skull. There is no new information and all the old information is seeping away. I can’t even remember things from one minute to the next. Maybe if I were in a more intellectually stimulating environment than just my computer and xbox, my brain would start working again. Or not. Who knows?

I have a few bright spots in my life: my husband, my pets, my friends, and my pdoc. My pdoc took time today to help me find info on getting my meds cheap and insurance information. If I had the ability to cry anymore, I might have cried today at her kindness.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

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The 5 minute interview

I swear it wasn’t any longer than 5-10min.  They asked me a few questions… why I left where and what the most recent jobs I’ve done have been and why I wanted to work for them.  I think I did OK answering the questions, but I don’t think they liked me very much.  We’ll see.  They intend to make a decision within a week.  I decided that if I get the job I would just have to deal with the standing.  It’s at a branch that is 5 min from my house.  I could walk to work if I was ambitious.

Tellers work alternate Saturday mornings (no problem) and shifts that rotate either 8:45 to 5:15 or 9:45 to 6:15.  Pretty straight forward.  There’s an “upselling” catch though.  Each month the teller has a quota to get customers interested in the bank’s other products and services.  The quota increases the longer you work there.  Really?  A bank?  Oh well, a job is a job, isn’t it?

I’ve been thinking about the teaching thing.  I think I might go ahead and get my certification.  It’s going to cost some money once you include all the tests but I think it might be worth it.  If we end up moving to another state my certification may not transfer but I think it would look better than not having one at all.  It might transfer to some states too.  Who knows?  At least I would be doing something towards my future.

I don’t know what to do.  I feel lost.  I don’t think I’m going to get this bank teller position and don’t know what to do next.  Keep applying, I guess.  I’ve not heard back from many of the universities I applied to and I expected that I would have heard something by now.  I think my research plan sucks and that is what is holding me back.  I don’t know what else it could be. 

Will I ever be employable again?  I go through jobs every 3-4 years but I know others go through jobs every 3-4 months and they still get new ones.  I just want a job where I can stay.  Go to work, go home, go on vacation.  Done.  I wish I hadn’t screwed up this last job.  Oh well. Done deal.  We must carry on.

Anyone know how to get a freakin job??!!!!?!?!?

Job Interview Tomorrow

OK, I have a job interview tomorrow. However, it’s not as great as it sounds. It’s to be a bank teller. Apparently, they weren’t scared off by my Ph.D. (I had to put it on my app since they are running a background check and it would have come up if I lied.) So, I applied on Thursday, they called me on Friday to set up the appointment for tomorrow. I’m really not sure what I am doing.

I didn’t lie on my application or anything, and I do need a job, and I don’t think that being a bank teller would be all that bad except for one thing: standing up all day. Yes, this should have been obvious to me. But I applied on Thursday when I had a cold and wasn’t thinking clearly. I honestly didn’t expect them to respond, at least not so soon. Now I’ve got a job interview for a job that I don’t know if I can do because I don’t know if I can stand up all day long.

Why? Because I have 3 herniated disks in my back that press on my sciatic nerve when irritated. I’ve also got a bunion in my right foot. There’s a cyst in my foot that is pressing on the toe joint. I thought the doctor said something about my bones separating too, but now I’m not sure. I don’t know. I’m too young for this crap.

Apparently not, because it says online that even teenagers can get bunions. Crap.

Regardless, my foot hurts pretty often and I’m sure standing won’t help any.

So what do I do? DH says to go and at least hear them out. I’m thinking maybe there’s the possibility of a stool to sit on from time to time when they aren’t busy. I need a job, even though it’s minimum wage, and I need health insurance. I wish now that I hadn’t applied for it. I don’t know. I am so confused.

Every Student Deserves a Chance

I was substitute teaching today and something happened in my last hour class that upset me. I had just enough papers for all the students but no extras. There was a teacher’s assistant in the room and she wanted to know what they were working on. I offered her the teacher’s copy but she declined. Instead she walked over and took a student’s paper. I thought she would give it right back but she didn’t. After about 10 minutes the student looked at me imploringly. So I took the teacher’s copy over to her and asked if we could trade. She looked at me and said, “[student] never does his work. He just sits there. That’s why I took his paper.” I gave the paper back to the student. Wouldn’t you know, he did the work! I was angry afterwards but it’s not my place to say anything. She had access to the teacher’s copy so why take a student’s? Every student deserves a chance to learn.

New Project!

I’ve had plenty of mental health stuff go down over the past week, but I want to put that on hold and tell you about my new project.

It has to do with writing… specifically, it’s a new blog. But not a normal blog, no, this is fan fiction written in a journal (blog) format. What fan fiction, you might ask? Well, uhm, it’s a video game I’ve been playing called Dragon Age Origins. I’m hooked. I have a character that’s hooked on another character, and since the whole thing is a role playing game anyway… well, I just had to write it. I started one for my Skyrim (another video game) character but I went up in level too quickly (I played too much) to capture the character as she progressed. But with Dragon Age, I’ve captured it. Mostly. I’ve had to replay a few things with different characters to get the storyline correct. But my writing is best when I write off page – that is, when it has nothing to do with the basic storyline itself.

Since I’ve got five or so posts done so far and several more in the queue, I think I might actually follow through with this project. It also involves video games, so I think that may help too. 😉 However, I don’t want the fact that it involves video games to scare you off. At its core, it is a love story. It just happens to be set in a fantasy setting and follow the general plot line of a video game. If I was more creative, I could write the entire thing from scratch and avoid the video game aspect altogether. But alas, I know my limitations.

Anyway, as a personal favor, would you go and read a couple of posts? If you like it, feel free to subscribe. 😉 I think I’ve only got one reader and that might be a bot. 😦 I’d also be very curious to see if anyone finds the story to be readable if they haven’t played the game. I’m not trying to fish for compliments, I have just enough self-esteem to know that I’m a pretty good fiction writer. 🙂

If you would like to read it, start with He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. It’s the first post, although it takes place in the middle of the story. We go into flashback from there to catch you up on the romance and story.

I hope you enjoy!

I’m going to write today

OK, it’s decided I’m going to write today. See that? I just did. Aren’t you proud of me?

Yeah…

I suppose I could end there and be done with it because technically I did write. But I don’t have anything to write about. My holidays were pretty uneventful. Weather kept us from visiting friends for Christmas, and DH came down with a stomach bug. Some of his Christmas presents didn’t come in until this week – so thank goodness there are 12 days of Christmas! 😉

I refused to write on New Year’s this year. It’s been 25 years since my accident and that was still in the forefront of my mind this year. Maybe because that seems like a monumental number. I don’t know. I don’t want to think about it.

I have started a new project lately, and I am hesitant to tell you about it, lest I abandon it as well. As soon as I say something about a project it becomes a ‘must-do’ and since I don’t do must-dos half-assed, they become no-dos. I know that makes no sense, does it?

Let me get a little further into this new project and then I will let you in on the secret, ok? I don’t want any more no-dos in my life.

 

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