Turned Down

Well, I said yesterday that the interview didn’t go well, and I already got my rejection email. So worrying about standing all day is a moot point.

This doesn’t surprise me. If anything, I was surprised they called me for an interview at all. I used to be so good at interviews. Now what is happening to me? Does my depression show through?

If I can’t even get a bank teller position, what can I get? Over educated and under qualified – that’s what I am. Lost is where I am. I’m getting desperate. Not desperate enough for McDonalds yet but desperate. I don’t know how I can go on like this. I don’t know how I have gone on like this for so long. I feel like my brain is rotting inside my skull. There is no new information and all the old information is seeping away. I can’t even remember things from one minute to the next. Maybe if I were in a more intellectually stimulating environment than just my computer and xbox, my brain would start working again. Or not. Who knows?

I have a few bright spots in my life: my husband, my pets, my friends, and my pdoc. My pdoc took time today to help me find info on getting my meds cheap and insurance information. If I had the ability to cry anymore, I might have cried today at her kindness.

I don’t know what to do anymore.