Missed the Mark

It’s been a few days since I last wrote, well, nearly a week.  As you might recall from previous posts on the job interview and the waiting, I was very excited and nervous all last week.  Until Friday when I got the email saying nicely that they offered the job to someone else and it was accepted.  So, I was heartbroken on Friday.  I thought I had done everything right.  I thought it was the right school.  But apparently not.  It’s taken me a few days to lick my wounds.

I’ve got one more shot at teaching for the fall semester- I got a phone call from one of the schools where I applied for a lectureship. I have a phone interview on Monday. I don’t have high hopes, I didn’t have high hopes for it when I sent the applications in, but it’s a shot at least.  Take what you can get, right?  I have to go back and find out what research they do at the school because apparently that’s a high component these days.  Really?  I wanted to give up on research (for the most part) for teaching.  Maybe I need to be looking at high school.  I don’t know anymore.  Still in career crisis here.

I’m really running out of options.  I don’t even know how to find appropriate jobs at this point.  It’s too late for the school year, and the thought of working for another company turns my stomach, even if the pay would be good.  I don’t want to leave my friends here but I know that as a professional scientist, I will probably have to move again.  It’s the bane of the highly educated.  You can’t find a job in your field just anywhere.  If I lived in a larger city, then there might be more opportunities for me, but I’ve found in the past that isn’t necessarily true.  You just have to go where you have to go.

That’s where things stand at the moment.  I’m still indecisive about my occupation, and I’m still indecisive about future, and I’m still unemployed.  One more shot left on the horizon before the sunset of university options.  (Not entirely, there’s a couple possibilities for spring semester.) At least I’ve got something to look forward to next week.

PS: I will reply to your comments soon.  Thanks for reading. 🙂

© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Waiting Game

We’ve all been there. There is something that you are expecting news on and you just have to wait and chew on your fingernails until you hear it: good or bad. I am currently playing the waiting game with two colleges.  One I am losing hope on, the other had told me 48 hours from the Skype interview.  Well, the 48 hours came up and they sent me an email saying that I had nice letters of recommendation and they were in the process of making their decision.  You just want to scream: Pick me! Pick me!  Or a Jedi-mind trick: this is the person for the job.  You don’t need any other applicants.  Everyone I met on that interview was so nice, I want to go there really badly now.  I hope they pick me, but if they don’t, I hope it doesn’t devastate me.

In the meantime, I still have to search for jobs in order to qualify for unemployment.  It’s so difficult.  There’s just nothing I qualify for.  And what I do qualify for, I don’t want.  (Picky, aren’t I?)  Beggars can’t be choosy. I’m not quite to the begging stage yet.  I just feel tired and stressed out over this job situation.  I don’t like being unemployed.  I didn’t like being out on disability either. I want to work.  I want to teach.  I want that job I Skyped for.  My skills fit so well with their research and but the job would be primarily teaching.  (Teaching labs mostly, but you can’t have everything.) The real downside is that it is a yearly contractual thing and not tenure track.  Well, maybe I would do better if I don’t have to worry about tenure.  It’s still a year to year thing, so it does lack a little sense of permanence.  Can’t I just have a forever home and a forever job?  Is that asking so much?  In this economy, probably yes.

I think a lot of colleges are going away from the tenure track positions and more towards the lecturer (yearly) positions.  It’s probably a cost-saving measure as I’m sure they don’t pay lecturers quite as much as they do tenure track.  And of course, there’s no tenure to contend with, so if management changes and they don’t want you anymore, out you go.  It sucks, but it’s true.  And since it’s contract, they don’t pay for unemployment.  You simply are not renewed.  Buh-bye.

I am still crossing my fingers, and hoping and wishing for this job.  I think it’s a great fit.  I hope they do too.

 

Skype Interview in Review

I had my first Skype interview yesterday.  It was kind of odd – very strange medium for an interview.  But I dressed the part even though my office is one of the hottest rooms in the house, despite air conditioning. (By the end of it, my cami was soaked!) We cleaned up and decorated the office so it would look nice for the interview.  I didn’t want them to see how messy I am!  I had to take my glasses off too because otherwise there would be too much glare for them to see my face.

I think the interview went well.  I hope so.  I am really interested in this position, maybe even more so than the phone interview I did for another college.  This place has more interesting research programs.  I still don’t know what the pay is but it’s poor practice to ask in an interview.  The position is on a yearly contract basis, so there is a bit of uncertainty there, but at least I don’t have to contend with the stress of tenure.  I also don’t get the security of tenure. 😦

Overall, I think it went well.  You can get a better sense of people in a Skype interview than via a phone interview.  They said I would know something within 48 hours.  I am so nervous!  I have a good feeling about this school, but I can’t rely on any Jedi-like senses for determining success or failure.  I think this school was more interested in me than the other one, so I hope that they invite me for a in-person interview or even just hire me outright!  (Wouldn’t that be cool?)  I think I am going to need some Klonopin to get me through the next day and a half.  Especially if it takes longer than 48 hours.  Universities move slow.

If anyone can spare some luck, I could use it!  🙂


© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

30 Days of Thanks: Day 2

Maybe I should have written this sooner, or as part of my post on the phone interview, but I am very thankful for the opportunity.  I did write to the department chair and thank him for the interview.  (I think he was there, and even if he wasn’t, it seemed to be the most appropriate way to proceed.)  Having been invited to do a phone interview was a great boost to my self-esteem.  I’ve reviewed it and reviewed it in my head, and can’t recall any major mistakes.  Part of me wants to run ahead and start making plans, but another part of me knows that I’ve only done the phone interview and can’t count on anything.  But it’s nice to dream, right?  This would be a good job and hopefully (if I get it) I won’t screw it up like the other ones I’ve had.

But enough negative talk!  This is about thanks and I am very thankful for this opportunity.  So thanks to the search committee, thanks to God or the Fates or whoever is in control, and thanks to me for keeping my head during the interview! 😉

Let’s hope I reach the next stage of the job process!

 
© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Phone Interview in Review

OK, this post is two days in the making. I’m still having trouble with focus.

This isn’t the school, it’s actually a picture of Victoria College in Toronto, but I thought the image would brighten up my post for today.
Image (c)ManicMonday

Yesterday:

Hot off the presses… I just had a telephone interview for a teaching job (a long distance away). I think it went well. I’m still processing it all. At least I went in prepared with what I was going to say although I got a few curve balls. I think I did pretty well. I can’t think of anything major that I screwed up. We will see how it goes. Now I wait to hear word back from them, but I should know something within the next couple of weeks. My references fell a little short, i.e. some of them didn’t make it, so I have to followup on those.

I wish I was more organized! I can’t keep things in my head straight. 😦 I think I am slightly hypomanic. I need to get focused. The school is actually hiring for three positions, so if I got one, I could be starting as early as August!

Today:

I’ve had a some time to process the interview. I still feel confident about the interview, although I probably could have handled a couple of things better than I did. I’m trying to figure out how to send a thank you note since the entire committee wasn’t there and also because I missed the name of one of the committee members. I could send one directly to the chair and ask him to pass along my thanks. That’s about the best I can think of. If anyone else has any ideas, please share! 🙂

I started on the higher dose of Geodon last night, and already I feel my hypomania fading away. It appears that I react very well to antipsychotics. Either that or it’s just a new episode, this time of stability. Wait, scratch that – I’m distracted today. Maybe it’s ADD. During this post (today) so far, I’ve talked with DH, checked facebook, mail, and texted.

I’m trying not to think of the “what ifs” – what if I get this job? How will we move? DH is committed to the fall semester here so that means time apart. We’ve done it before, but we really don’t do well apart. And we’d have to sell the house, which we may have to do anyway, so we better get cleaning. We have so much junk to sort through! But how to clean when you keep getting distracted?

I am getting a head of myself. There’s no guarantee that I will even get this job.  I’d like to ask if you, dear reader, would please cross your fingers, think good thoughts, or say a prayer for me.  I need to get out of the rut that I am in and I think that getting this job would do that for me.  Thanks!

© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

High school may be out of the question

Well, I was reading up on the requirements to teach high school, once I found them buried in the state board of education website, (don’t you love broken links?) and discovered there is another whole application process that I have to do before I can take the tests. This process can take up to 6 weeks, so if that happens then there is a very slim chance I can take the tests (with results) in time to teach this year. Since the schools aren’t even willing to entertain the notion of hiring me before certification, this leaves me in quite a bind.

So where do I go from here?

Even if I get through all that process, they do a FBI and criminal record background check. Would I even pass that with bipolar disorder?

There are so many fees involved too… each test has a fee. There are enrollment fees, application fees… it would be about a $400 job application to teach high school, and I’m not sure I have the self-confidence to do it in the long run. I’m not sure I have the self-confidence for anything.

I dreamed about the university position last night. I dreamed that I was doing the interview all over again, only not screwing it up. I really want that job, I just wish I had answered that one question right: which upper division classes would you be comfortable teaching? Well, hell, I can teach all of them (if I have the self-confidence). That’s what it all comes down to in the end: self-confidence. If only I had been hypo-manic instead of stable for this interview, I would have nailed it.

This waiting is killing me. If I had done that right, I might have an offer by now. I really hope I get the university job. My self-confidence tells me I can’t do it, but another part of me says I can. It’s all pointless now until I hear back from them.


© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Can I teach high school?

I went to the job fair yesterday for the school system. I know they desperately need math and science teachers at all levels. I gave my resume and talked with the high school for a bit. I think they are very excited about me because after I left the table, I was tracked down by one of the teachers and he gave me his card. Before I made it to the next school (middle school) I was also tracked down by one of the assistant principles. He was trying to lure me into teaching their program for students needing special help in graduating. Not slow learners or disciplinary students, but students who need extra help because life has not been kind to them. (They may have children already or a non-supportive home life.) He gave me his number and asked me to call him next week if I would like a tour or to sit in on a class.

The downside is that all of the certification tests are expensive! They have a general test and a professional teacher test (why they have two is beyond me) and then there are the subject tests. At $100-$150 each, that adds up quick, plus there are fees. To qualify for just one subject, I would be spending about $400 all total. Is it worth it for essentially a job application? Granted, I would have my certification for 5 years. I wouldn’t make very much money, but I would be “in high demand” as they put it. Teaching school here would be a nice, easy commute but teaching high school is hard. Very hard.

However, I like the idea of touching lives. Of making a difference. I have no children and I’ll never win a Nobel Prize, so basically I have no legacy. Once my life is over, who will remember me? I will have left no footprint on society or this planet. Only a lot of empty pill bottles.

I am getting maudlin. I need to keep an open mind. High school might be the place for me after all. Or is it only my lack of self-confidence telling me that I can’t teach at a level higher than that? I don’t know.

Also, how will my mental illness figure into all of this? I have to take a drug test – how will I pass it with my Klonopin?

Anyway… do you think I should hand over the money and go for my certification?