30 Days of Thanks: Day 6

I have a lot to be thankful for right now. As I sit perched upon the edge of my seat, waiting to hear if I will get an offer from the college, I want to express my thanks to the powers that be for the luck I’ve had so far. I had a job interview at the conference for a company, and I had a job interview from a college. I am well and truly hoping I get the college teaching job. I don’t know what it will pay, but those things may be negotiable. I am just very thankful that I got this far in the interview process.

Even though it is rush timing, I really want this teaching job. The school is great, the people seem good, although I couldn’t read them very well, so I don’t know what they thought of me. I’m really not good at interviewing without hypomania. But then this is the job that I thought I really screwed up the phone interview, so maybe they like me well enough.  I certainly hope so.  They are making their decision today, so I am extra nervous.  I should hear something (good or bad) by the end of the week.

The industry position would be a nice backup option.  It contains a lot of sales, so the salary is not great and you work partially on commission.  I can sell anything I believe in.  But I don’t see myself being in a sales position with high travel (up to 50%) for a long period of time.  I’m too old for that, and I think all my medications it would be a hindrance.  A job is a job and you can’t complain about being employed these days even if it isn’t your favorite type of job.

I sort of got off on a couple of tangents there, but really I wanted to express my gratitude for the opportunities I’ve been given thus far.  I hope it works out so that I can write another day of thanks for a new job soon!

 
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I Didn’t Screw Up!

If you’ve been following my unemployment saga, then you know that I was concerned about how poorly my last phone interview went. I just got a call that they want me to come in for a face-to-face interview! I am blown away!

Now, of course this amps up the pressure on me for the next week.  I have to pack for an extra day of interview wear (what to wear now!) and prepare a class.  I don’t have a class prepared.  Well, I do, but all my notes are in books in garage.  How to find them quickly?!?  (I know, stop typing and go look!  But I had to share this with you.)  I may not be stuck in industry after all!

Sadly, it means I will be stuck with an awkward move situation.  We have to move part of our household now, and the rest during Christmas break.  I have to find a place quickly and be able to move into it soon after I arrive.  DH will have to fly home for his own classes.  We will be separate for a semester.  Also, I have to leave all my friends. 😦  But I know that they will be happy for me.  I have to leave my house, which I love, for the unknown.

There’s lots of unknowns. It’s a yearly contract, 12-mo pay, but no tenure commitment, which is both good and bad.  No security, but no hassle. So there are pros and cons to this type of position.  I would get to teach again.  I would be involved.  I can create a legacy for myself.  And maybe that’s what I want most of all.  To know that when I pass, I have left something good behind.  Something worth remembering.  Even if it’s only for a generation.  Teachers can make such an impact, both good and bad, I want to be one of the good ones.  I know I did it before, so I can do it again.  This time, I’m a little wiser and I know how the game works.  Hopefully there’s no sexism, which is why I lost my last academic job.

I want a forever home and I want a forever job.  Maybe this is it. We will see soon enough.

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Another Phone Interview in Review

Wow.  All I have to say is wow – and not a good wow either.  I told DH, “I was about as eloquent as a bull in a china closet.”  I specifically did not take my Klonopin because I wanted my head to be clear, but I guess I should have taken it.  Maybe things would have gone better.  I took my Straterra – I was focused. My mood has been better since the weekend, so I’m pretty stable.  I just stumbled everywhere.  I couldn’t get the words out.  I couldn’t express my passion for teaching.  I forgot all my analogies, all my anecdotes, all my stories that make me special and a great candidate.

Bomb.  It was like I was a third person watching myself fail.  I didn’t feel like I was failing, I was just watching it.  My words, where were my words?  I can tell you now how I keep in touch with some of my former students and I see the impact I had on their life and it makes me proud.  Why didn’t I tell them that?  My brain simply closed the doors to that knowledge.  I felt so empty-headed. Like staring around you at an empty ballroom. I would start answering a question and then the words stopped flowing.  Ending up with ‘uhm’ and ‘that sort of thing’ trailing off to silence.  I have so many good things to say, why didn’t I say ANY of them?

I probably sound like I am beating up on myself but I’m not.  I’m just frustrated.  I’m wondering to what corner of the universe the language centers in my brain escaped.  Sometimes I stopped myself from saying something that could have been negative, but applying the brakes to any thought process seemed to cause a shutdown of all communication skill.  I could hear the seconds tick by as I raced through my mind, looking for something relevant to the add, something to finish the sentence with.  Gone. Empty. Not even crickets chirping.

I don’t know if I will get called in for a face-to-face interview or not.  I should know by the end of the week.  But this time, I’m not counting any chickens.  Hell, there’s no chickens to count – they flew the coop.

 

Missed the Mark

It’s been a few days since I last wrote, well, nearly a week.  As you might recall from previous posts on the job interview and the waiting, I was very excited and nervous all last week.  Until Friday when I got the email saying nicely that they offered the job to someone else and it was accepted.  So, I was heartbroken on Friday.  I thought I had done everything right.  I thought it was the right school.  But apparently not.  It’s taken me a few days to lick my wounds.

I’ve got one more shot at teaching for the fall semester- I got a phone call from one of the schools where I applied for a lectureship. I have a phone interview on Monday. I don’t have high hopes, I didn’t have high hopes for it when I sent the applications in, but it’s a shot at least.  Take what you can get, right?  I have to go back and find out what research they do at the school because apparently that’s a high component these days.  Really?  I wanted to give up on research (for the most part) for teaching.  Maybe I need to be looking at high school.  I don’t know anymore.  Still in career crisis here.

I’m really running out of options.  I don’t even know how to find appropriate jobs at this point.  It’s too late for the school year, and the thought of working for another company turns my stomach, even if the pay would be good.  I don’t want to leave my friends here but I know that as a professional scientist, I will probably have to move again.  It’s the bane of the highly educated.  You can’t find a job in your field just anywhere.  If I lived in a larger city, then there might be more opportunities for me, but I’ve found in the past that isn’t necessarily true.  You just have to go where you have to go.

That’s where things stand at the moment.  I’m still indecisive about my occupation, and I’m still indecisive about future, and I’m still unemployed.  One more shot left on the horizon before the sunset of university options.  (Not entirely, there’s a couple possibilities for spring semester.) At least I’ve got something to look forward to next week.

PS: I will reply to your comments soon.  Thanks for reading. 🙂

© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Waiting Game

We’ve all been there. There is something that you are expecting news on and you just have to wait and chew on your fingernails until you hear it: good or bad. I am currently playing the waiting game with two colleges.  One I am losing hope on, the other had told me 48 hours from the Skype interview.  Well, the 48 hours came up and they sent me an email saying that I had nice letters of recommendation and they were in the process of making their decision.  You just want to scream: Pick me! Pick me!  Or a Jedi-mind trick: this is the person for the job.  You don’t need any other applicants.  Everyone I met on that interview was so nice, I want to go there really badly now.  I hope they pick me, but if they don’t, I hope it doesn’t devastate me.

In the meantime, I still have to search for jobs in order to qualify for unemployment.  It’s so difficult.  There’s just nothing I qualify for.  And what I do qualify for, I don’t want.  (Picky, aren’t I?)  Beggars can’t be choosy. I’m not quite to the begging stage yet.  I just feel tired and stressed out over this job situation.  I don’t like being unemployed.  I didn’t like being out on disability either. I want to work.  I want to teach.  I want that job I Skyped for.  My skills fit so well with their research and but the job would be primarily teaching.  (Teaching labs mostly, but you can’t have everything.) The real downside is that it is a yearly contractual thing and not tenure track.  Well, maybe I would do better if I don’t have to worry about tenure.  It’s still a year to year thing, so it does lack a little sense of permanence.  Can’t I just have a forever home and a forever job?  Is that asking so much?  In this economy, probably yes.

I think a lot of colleges are going away from the tenure track positions and more towards the lecturer (yearly) positions.  It’s probably a cost-saving measure as I’m sure they don’t pay lecturers quite as much as they do tenure track.  And of course, there’s no tenure to contend with, so if management changes and they don’t want you anymore, out you go.  It sucks, but it’s true.  And since it’s contract, they don’t pay for unemployment.  You simply are not renewed.  Buh-bye.

I am still crossing my fingers, and hoping and wishing for this job.  I think it’s a great fit.  I hope they do too.

 

Skype Interview in Review

I had my first Skype interview yesterday.  It was kind of odd – very strange medium for an interview.  But I dressed the part even though my office is one of the hottest rooms in the house, despite air conditioning. (By the end of it, my cami was soaked!) We cleaned up and decorated the office so it would look nice for the interview.  I didn’t want them to see how messy I am!  I had to take my glasses off too because otherwise there would be too much glare for them to see my face.

I think the interview went well.  I hope so.  I am really interested in this position, maybe even more so than the phone interview I did for another college.  This place has more interesting research programs.  I still don’t know what the pay is but it’s poor practice to ask in an interview.  The position is on a yearly contract basis, so there is a bit of uncertainty there, but at least I don’t have to contend with the stress of tenure.  I also don’t get the security of tenure. 😦

Overall, I think it went well.  You can get a better sense of people in a Skype interview than via a phone interview.  They said I would know something within 48 hours.  I am so nervous!  I have a good feeling about this school, but I can’t rely on any Jedi-like senses for determining success or failure.  I think this school was more interested in me than the other one, so I hope that they invite me for a in-person interview or even just hire me outright!  (Wouldn’t that be cool?)  I think I am going to need some Klonopin to get me through the next day and a half.  Especially if it takes longer than 48 hours.  Universities move slow.

If anyone can spare some luck, I could use it!  🙂


© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

30 Days of Thanks: Day 2

Maybe I should have written this sooner, or as part of my post on the phone interview, but I am very thankful for the opportunity.  I did write to the department chair and thank him for the interview.  (I think he was there, and even if he wasn’t, it seemed to be the most appropriate way to proceed.)  Having been invited to do a phone interview was a great boost to my self-esteem.  I’ve reviewed it and reviewed it in my head, and can’t recall any major mistakes.  Part of me wants to run ahead and start making plans, but another part of me knows that I’ve only done the phone interview and can’t count on anything.  But it’s nice to dream, right?  This would be a good job and hopefully (if I get it) I won’t screw it up like the other ones I’ve had.

But enough negative talk!  This is about thanks and I am very thankful for this opportunity.  So thanks to the search committee, thanks to God or the Fates or whoever is in control, and thanks to me for keeping my head during the interview! 😉

Let’s hope I reach the next stage of the job process!

 
© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.