Not Quite Forgotten Yet

I got a call on Friday from R&D’s HR rep.  They want their stuff back.  (Big surprise, eh?)  So I am to come in tomorrow morning to “exchange” things: company property for personal property.  The only joy I take in this is that our group manager is the one who has to sift through all my boxes and try to identify what is mine.  Ha!  That should take him a while.  I took most of my stuff when I left.  Since I am notorious for leaving piles of paper all over my desk, he ought to be having fun right about now.   Of course, I wonder if this means I will get back my 15 bottles of half-drunk water.  Ha! Ha! Ha!

They still can’t answer my questions about unemployment.  A dozen people in HR and not a one of them has a clue.  “Just go ahead and apply for it,” is what they said.  OK, fine.  I will.  If I get it, yea!  If I don’t, oh well.  This job sucked anyway.  The best part of it was the paycheck.  Damn, I’m going to miss that paycheck.  😦

My existence is slowly being erased by the company and soon all I will be to anyone is a memory.  Except for the few friends I have that I will still keep in touch with.  I wrote down some numbers and email addresses while I still had access.  Sifted through my files to see what was worth keeping, and most of it isn’t.  That will be erased too.  My computer will be recycled and so will my laptop.  Such is the way of things.

I am sad and relieved at the same time.  I’m depressed about having lost another job, and I’m scared about our lack of income.  But I won’t miss working with the nutcases.  I will miss working with the customers.  So many of them depended on me to make sure that their samples were run and analyzed correctly.  I had so much customer interaction – and that’s the stuff I am good at.  Yes, I’m a scientist, but I’m a people-oriented scientist.  That’s rare.  Now how to market that?

Right now, my feelings are so mixed up that I don’t know how to feel.  At least I have a therapy appointment today.  I get to work with the new girl, but I don’t have to pay.  So that much is good.  I felt bad about that until DH explained to me that if she fresh out of school, then she has to take on a certain number of free clients as part of her professional training.  That makes me feel a little better.  I hope she is better than my interm therapist.  I really miss my original one though.  *sigh*

I guess I’ll wrap up for now.  I hope everyone has a great Monday. 😉

PS: I changed my WordPress name from Manic Monday to just Monday.  You may have to approve my comments for a while.  I’ll probably change it again once I come up with something clever. 🙂

© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Ranked and Reviewed yet Forgotten

My emotions have been all over the place.  My friend Lulu wrote a wonderful piece on ultradian cycling.  Perhaps I am ultradian cycling? I don’t know.  My mind is everywhere and no where.  I am excitable one minute, sad and sedate the next.  Usually cloaked in fear.  What am I afraid of?  Everything. Nothing. The inevitable.  The unknown.  The known.

My last paycheck is Friday.  No one has called me about returning the company laptop or for an exit interview of any kind.  Maybe they are just going to forget about me?  My name will be quietly removed from the organization chart, my email address frozen, my badge rendered useless.  Forgotten, forgotten… I’ve been forgotten and ignored for the past 10 months.  You would think that if they are so anxious to be rid of me, then they would want to schedule an exit interview and get all their stuff back.

Why did I take the company laptop home with me?  Well, we all do when we expect to be working from home.  I expected myself to work from home.  I wanted to keep in touch with what was going on at work.  I was angry and didn’t want to take leave.  I like working.  I didn’t like who I had to work with, and half of my job sucked, but the other half was awesome.  Amazingly cool things to discover and be a part of.  Customers I will miss. People I will miss.

When I left, I didn’t realize the extent of the damage done to my wrist.  I didn’t know that I wasn’t going to be able to work from home.  I honestly and truly thought I would call in for conference calls.  Until I found out that I shouldn’t be doing that.  I had planned to check emails.  But my supervisor put out the word that I was not to be emailed.  Silence falls.

I stopped checking my email.  I stopped caring as I slid into depression, spiraling downward along my own path to darkness.  Meanwhile, work went on.  Emails, company announcements, reorganization.  FMLA (3 months) ran out.  I was replaced.  Now they no longer have a position for me.  I’m dismissed.

Now that I’ve been fixed – physically and mentally – I’m dismissed.  Oh, and they chopped my bonus by 20% too indicating that I was ranked in the bottom 10% of the pool on my performance review.  How could they even rate me?  I was in the office for only 5 months, only two of those did I have a performance agreement for.  How can you accomplish any long-term goal in two months?  The last conversation with my supervisor was positive – about how things were getting better.  And then…

Forgotten except for the paperwork.  Called a liar for sticking up for myself.  Filing for Worker’s Comp.  All the things you should never ever do in the corporate world.  Big companies are very different than small companies.  Both suck in their own way.

Maybe I should have told them I am bipolar.  Maybe I could have fought for discrimination.  No, those things never work.  Big companies with big lawyers win.  Little companies with palms to grease, win.  People like us, lose.

I don’t know when they will call me in to return the laptop, to return the library books, to return the SecureID.  It’s kind of like a divorce. You know it’s coming, it’s just a matter of when will the paperwork filed and it becomes final?

Just waiting in limbo…

© Manic Monday (manicmonday123) 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Manic Monday (manicmonday123) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.



My paycheck went back to full pay. Good, right? Wrong. They took all of my vacation time to do it. Not a single day for the rest of the year? I think I will lose my mind!!

Fortunately, (hopefully) they can reverse it – or at least some of it – I am waiting to hear back from HR. I need some vacation time or I will not survive the year. I still have doctor’s appointments and what happens if I need some time for my house or other emergency? (Or time for job interviews.) I don’t need my full paycheck that badly – I need time off more. I’ll bargain for half of the time (I get 4 weeks total) back.

Worse yet, they reorganized my group and now I don’t show up on the Org chart! What does that mean? Do I still have a job? Do they just don’t know what to do with me? Or are they really planning to get rid of me? Apparently I have an office with a name tag. At least that’s a good sign. It’s all craziness.

I’m beyond words right now. A little bit angry, but mostly scared. I don’t know what’s going on and that is scary. I wish I had some reassurance but I don’t know where I could get it from. My supervisor acts like I don’t exist. He ignores emails and phone calls. So now what do I do?